Before I Let Go--"Kyra burned so brightly. Until she had nothing left to give."

Title: Before I let Go

Author: Marieke Nijkamp


LGBTQ+ Representation: I know this sounds contradictory, but the rep is both insignificant to the plot AND contains spoilers. Just rest assured that there is LGBTQ+ rep.


What it’s about (in 75 words or fewer): Corey and Kyra were best friends in their Small Alaskan town, Lost Creek. Corey goes to boarding school, and days before she visits Lost, Kyra dies. Corey returns to Lost, but something's different. The people reject Corey, calling her an outsider, and worship the memory of Kyra, claiming Kyra's death was "meant to be." Corey is determined to find out the cause of Kyra's death and figure out the mysterious events in Lost.


What I think (in 250 words or fewer): What am I reading? I asked myself at least one hundred times while reading. And yet, I couldn't put it down.

Kyra's heartbreak over her friend's death quickly turns to anger and confusion. Lost, Alaska, is a strange, Twilight Zone-esque place. Instead of the residents of Lost that Corey had grown up welcoming her home, they constantly tell Corey that she "doesn't understand" and "Kyra finally found her place." Corey cannot reconcile this with the memory of her friend, who was often ridiculed for being eccentric and bipolar.

I was super horrified at the way the small town was treating Corey; they were downright hostile to her. They also had created a deity in Kyra. Nothing makes sense, and it's soon clear that they are hiding the facts from Corey. Corey reconnects with a few friends, but they also seem to be under the spell of the town. WHY?

The more I read, the more the teacher in me became very intrigued; this book is just ripe for fanfiction and discussions, for example:

• How was Kyra able to, through her paintings, [spoiler deleted]?
• Why does everyone in the town whistle the same creepy tune?
• How does [spoiler deleted] burn down?
• Who leaves flowers on Corey's backpack?
• Does the abandoned spa contain magical powers?
• What is the deal with the garden?

And finally--

• Was Kyra's death really a fulfillment of a prophecy?

The evidence is inconclusive, but one thing is for sure: Corey needs to escape before it's too late.


This book is on the 2019 Rainbow Book List.


My final takeaway (in 75 words or fewer): I can see why the open-ended nature of the events in this book might frustrate readers, but I think it's a great opportunity for discussions. Nijkamp said in an interview that she hoped this book could start discussions on mental illnesses and suicide, and I definitely agree. Before I Let Go is a great choice for a small group book club.


Memorable quotes/passages from the book: 

• "Despite everything that has changed, part of me believes that somewhere, somehow, Kyra is still waiting for me" (pg. 45).
• "No star can burn forever . . . Kyra burned so brightly. Until she had nothing left to give" (pg. 153).
• "Maybe this is why I never minded the night sky, even when I hated the darkness. Because there's so much light here" (pg. 337).
• "We call them hero days . . . because that is when we fight fear itself. And we win" (pg. 343)

Other reviews: Teen Librarian Toolbox and Rhapsody in Books.


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This book is available here: https://library.greensboro-nc.gov/

Learn more about the Rainbow Book List here: http://www.ala.org/rt/glbtrt