LGBTQ+ Representation: Main character (narrator) is gay
Content Warning: Depression and graphically described suicide attempt
What it’s about (in 75 words or fewer): In this memoir, Shawn David Hutchinson describes his childhood and his battles with ADHD and depression. His suicide attempt is described in detail.
What I think: Shawn David Hutchinson and I are the same age; we both graduated in 1996 and would have probably been friends in high school because we have a lot in common. Here are the top 10 from moments from Brave Face I thought were memorable and/or relatable, or made me think Hey, that was me in high school!, OOF, I feel that!, and/or OMG that is describes me today. So let's go on a journey of not only some of Hutchinson's memories but a few of my cringeworthy ones as well.
1. Entering public school after Catholic school
I'd spent all summer dreaming about how my first week would unfold. It'd be like a John Hughes movie, more Sixteen Candles than The Breakfast Club (pg. 10).
Hutchinson goes to public school for high school; I went after sixth grade, but many of our experiences were similar. Substitute Saved by the Bell and Sweet Valley High for the John Hughes movies for me; I knew that public school would be perfect as long as I became a cheerleader, therefore becoming "popular." Unfortunately, I am completely uncoordinated and lack rhythm, so cheerleading was not in my future. Therefore, I made an effort to join every non-sports activity that middle school had to offer. I was determined to get as many pictures in the yearbook as I could! Speaking of school--
2. Being able to memorize all material right before a test even though I could not retain ANYTHING from lectures
I just had to try harder. I had to want it badly enough (pg. 12).
Hutchinson describes a teacher that was a bully to him, but he managed to memorize the material the night before the test and ace it. My teacher like this was Mr. Wast: he looked like an evil Santa Claus and he said the f-word on the first day of school. I could not follow his lectures (I thought I was just dumb and just had to try harder somehow), but I would outline the chapters the night before his tests and throw off the curve for everyone in the class. Like Hutchinson, two hours is what I needed to ace a Mr. Wast test. Which brings me to--
3. ADHD, depression, anxiety. The struggle is real, y'all.
I also believed, like my parents and my teachers, that I could do anything I could set my mind to, and that when I failed it was because I was lazy and not living up to my potential (pg. 10).
Hutchinson makes it clear that he lives with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I was not diagnosed ADHD until my late thirties and oh my goodness, learning tricks and methods to help myself cope with it has been a godsend. I still live with the short-term memory (which others see as me being a complete ditzy dingbat), the being easily-distracted, the procrastination, executive dysfunction, and hyperfocus. The extreme creativity, out-of-the-box thinking, empathy for those who struggle, and ability to be more productive during many projects at once are some of the benefits I have discovered about my own ADHD (everyone is different). I still get frustrated with myself but at least I understand that all of these things that I used to think were character flaws are symptoms of ADHD and I need to give myself more grace. Plus, for the first time in my life I have a job with bosses that are understanding of ADHD and speaking of jobs--
4. Working at a bookstore
I spent hours and hours sticking books back in shelves and then glowering at the customers who inevitably came along and ruined all my effort. Shelving books in a bookstore is a ridiculously Sisyphean task that's probably used as punishment in one of the outer ring of hell (pg. 57).
I work at a bookstore currently, and while I really enjoy my job, I snorted with laughter with I read those above lines, especially the first part, especially now that it's frantic-last-minute-present-shopping-time. I also agree with what he said about the reward cards (you'll have to read it to find out). And speaking of what Hutchinson and I have in common--
5. High school theatre
Those had both been moments where I'd shone. Moments where I'd drawn on a well of talent that existed somewhere inside of me (pg. 147).
One of those moments of talent Hutchinson mentions is a monologue from the play I Hate Hamlet (which is hilarious if you ever have a chance to experience it). Plus, I played Rosencrantz in Hamlet just last month. I'll never be a full-time professional actress, but it's fun to do occasionally. And all could think of during Hutchinson's theatre stories was how much I enjoyed high school theatre and how Hutchinson would have fit right into my group of friends (we are even the same age. I mentioned that already, yes?).
6. Importance of content warnings
If you'd rather skip to page 329 where I'm in the hospital, I won't be offended or upset. Your well-being is more important than a story" (pg. 310).
I appreciate content warnings and I get very frustrated with people who don't understand the purpose of content warnings or actively fight against them. I don't know how to explain why you should care about other people.
7. Happily-ever-after? Meh. More like "Life goes on, with ups and downs like a rollercoaster" (but I hate rollercoasters so this is a terrible simile).
It didn't get better immediately. In some ways, it got worse (pg. 347).
Young adult me probably would not have liked this ending. I preferred my endings tidy, or at the very least a "happily-ever-after." I would have preferred a tiny epilogue that said something like "the suicide attempt was my low point. Ever since then, I have had a new lease on life. I am in a good relationship and because of that I do not have depression or anxiety or ADHD anymore. I'm cured! The end." I used to truly believe that if you did everything "right" (even though what was "right" was subjective") you will be guaranteed happiness, and well, if you were unsuccessful or unhappy, you must have done something wrong. I am embarrassed at how long I believed this and am surprised at people older than I (most of whom have been luckier at life) that still believe this.
Young adult me probably would not have liked this ending. I preferred my endings tidy, or at the very least a "happily-ever-after." I would have preferred a tiny epilogue that said something like "the suicide attempt was my low point. Ever since then, I have had a new lease on life. I am in a good relationship and because of that I do not have depression or anxiety or ADHD anymore. I'm cured! The end." I used to truly believe that if you did everything "right" (even though what was "right" was subjective") you will be guaranteed happiness, and well, if you were unsuccessful or unhappy, you must have done something wrong. I am embarrassed at how long I believed this and am surprised at people older than I (most of whom have been luckier at life) that still believe this.
I think it's important for young adults to realize that major events, or good friends, or anything is not going to fix all your problems and guarantee your happiness. To be a bit more cliché: life is a journey, not a destination. Yes, it gets better, but you are not immune from crappy things.
Life is sometimes fast and terrifying with surprises, like a roller coaster.
Obviously, the suicide attempt is memorable, but it gets its time in the book. Besides, it's not the reason you should read this book.
This book is on the 2020 Rainbow Book List.
My final takeaway (in 75 words or fewer): Even though it's often uncomfortable to read, I definitely recommend that you read this book. Again, it's very important to me that he emphasizes that he's depressed AND gay and not depressed BECAUSE he's gay. Also, there is no happily-ever-after. Living with depression is ongoing; one unsuccessful suicide attempt will not automatically cause someone to "hit rock bottom" then magically be cured of depression, ADHD, or other mental illness. You can't "positive-think" your way out of it.
Plus, life, roller coasters, all that jazz.
Memorable quotes/passages from the book (most of the them are above, but there's one I could not find a spot for above):
- Depression speaks. It screams. It's not like actually hearing voices. I know the voice in my head isn't real and I know that it's lying, but knowing those things doesn't make it go away (pg. 81).
Other reviews: BookPeople Teen Press Corps and It's Either Sadness or Bookphoria
If you like this book, you should read Boy Erased, Saving Alex, and The Stonewall Riots: Coming Out in the Streets.
**********
 |
| This book is available here: https://library.greensboro-nc.gov/ |
 |
| Learn more about the Rainbow Book List here: http://www.ala.org/rt/glbtrt |
No comments:
Post a Comment