Alex as Well--"More about untreated mental illness than intersex or trans"

Title: Alex as Well

Author: Alyssa Brugman

What it’s about (in 75 words or fewer): Alex, who was raised as a boy, always knew that she was really a girl.  Even as she lives as a girl, the "boy Alex" still lives inside her--it's like she is two people at once.  Alex struggles to live authentically as she deals with her mentally unstable mother and non-confrontational father. When she enrolls in a new school and contacts a solicitor to help her change her birth certificate, Alex discovers something startling.

What I think (in 400 words or fewer):  This book was . . . unsettling.  Alex identifies as a girl and the "boy" Alex talks to her in her head, like another personality.  Every time Alex does something particularly masculine, or rude and vulgar, she blames "boy Alex."  Alex refers to her male part as her "noodle" and mentions that it is smaller than average.

A scene towards the beginning was quite disturbing to me: "boy Alex" masturbates while looking at "girl Alex" in the mirror.  In a public store, while wearing not-yet-purchased clothing.  Ew.

We also get a point-of-view from Alex's mother, Heather, when Heather chronicles her parenting struggles in a blog post and admits that Alex was born with both male and female genitalia.  However, Heather has never told Alex that she is intersex and just supplies her child with testosterone so that "he" will develop as a boy.

Heather is the ultimate unreliable narrator: she justifies her behaviors and gets support in her blog post comments, which makes her continue her erratic treatment of Alex--for example, when Alex tells her parents that she is going to live as a girl, pandemonium ensues:  Heather throws a tantrum (rolling around on the floor, throwing things, and shrieking), and Alex's dad just leaves.

Alex's dad is another issue:  he claims to want to support Alex, but calls her a "hyperactive, self-obsessed little s***," and blames Alex for Heather's mental instability.

Meanwhile, Alex does not find out that she is intersex until [spoiler deleted]. 😉

The book, which I thought was going to be about an intersex teenager, is really about a family of mentally ill people.  Also, based on some erratic behavior from Alex herself, she does not seem to have escaped the illnesses and needs some serious therapy--although none of her issues are related to being transgender or intersex, there is no way someone could have lived with her parents and come out unscathed.

Also, there were many unrealistic aspects in this novel as well. Alex enrolls herself in school and attends for a long period of time without a birth certificate, manages to hire a lawyer who believes everything she says without question, and lands a dream job that pays her thousands of dollars (again, without a valid ID).

I just cannot suspend my disbelief quite that much--but then again, Alex is a unreliable narrator.  So maybe all of that stuff did not really happen?


This book is on the 2016 Rainbow Book List.

My final takeaway (in 75 words or fewer):  I don't know if I would recommend this book.  It still makes me feel weird just writing about it.  It was not the intersex that bothers me--this book is definitely more about untreated mental illness than intersex or trans.

And does it have a happy and realistic ending?  Sort of and sort of.  Maybe?

I don't think I'll re-read this one.


My favorite (and/or notable) quotes/passages from the book:

• "He looks at me and sees a hot chick--a smooth Clinique model.  I look at him and see a chimpanzee tugging on his little noodle" (USA hardback edition, pg. 6).
• "Have you ever you ever heard someone sing the wrong lyrics to a song, like that Beatles song, 'She's got a chicken to ride?'  It's wrong, and it seems so silly to you that the other person could think that's how the song goes.  But then imagine that you heard everyone sing it, like, even the actual Beatles.  So you assume that, okay, they must be the real lyrics, even though that's absurd.  It's like that" (pg. 15-16).
• "Sometimes I don't know what I am.  But I what I would like to be on the outside--what I want other people to see--is a girl.  I'd rather be a strong-looking girl than a, kind of, girlie-looking boy" (pg. 125).
• "I guess what I'm saying is that there are weirdos everywhere, and they can hold jobs, and have families, and be successful" (pg. 146).

Other reviews: The Book Bag and Teen Reads

This book is available in the Greensboro Public Library.